Into me
this uphill battle, where
standing at the foot, feet scrunched
toes digging painfully into the
dirt;
my torn self, shell-less
an evolution in pain
a study in howfarcanigo
deconstructivism
being pushed, dislodged,
(dismantled)
uphill i go, lord,
to be crushed beneath a boulder's weight
a thousand times over, yet still
so the tale goes,
my torn self, my ragged breath, my
blood tasting teeth aching mouth
shatter the mirror, feet crunching over
stardust, till i'm fragmented, a monster,
a study in howfarcanidie
Interlude:
Camera pan to a ten year old girl, average height, cheeks round and fingers stubby, but otherwise normal weight. Focus on her expression, capture the fear in her eyes, the pain of innocence. Camera pan outwards, slowly. Linger on the parents pointing fingers, the markers jabbing and dotting out lines on skin, the jeering peers, the magazines, the TV shows, Hollywood, webpages upon apps of content. The panning paces up. There is no end. The camera pans on and on, into eternity.
into me
i go
crawling beneath my own skin
hiding, hunching, weeping at the altar of
beauty is pain and beauty is everything
(so is self love)
beauty is pain
is the stunted growth of ten year olds
is toxicity incarnate, a mustard gas that reeks of
roses, where at the foot of the hill i
breathe in, letting it stretch and purr
carving out a gap between my thighs
shaped nails like crescent moons digging deep into
bleached skin, dyed hair, artificially cinched waist
call me melodramatic, tell me it doesn't matter,
it's on the inside
tell me to lose every part of myself but weight;
watch me stumble uphill, lord, and
roll the boulder down yourself
🐝 - Hey ho I am a sad horse girl with body image issues.